Taking a break to keep me from breaking
I just realized that I’ve been on Substack for a month now and I haven’t been able to dedicate quite as much time as I had hoped to this space. Day job drama has been the culprit, but I am pleased to share that I am taking some time off work for the rest of the month to relax, rest, catch up with myself and recharge. My intention is to dedicate a good portion of this break to my writing, and certainly this newsletter is a part of that.
Taking a break is something that doesn’t come all that easily to me. I tend to be working on a lot of projects at once and I plan ahead, so I am always anticipating the next project. I rarely have time to luxuriate in the pleasure of a job done because usually I am already behind in the creation of several others. Such is the nature of working in digital content. It never ends; you always have to make more content and feed the ferocious algorithm. It’s no wonder so many content creators feel such burnout from time to time. The system is simply not sustainable.
As a result of working nonstop, I’ve stored up a lot of vacation days and well, a vacation I must take if I don’t want to lose that time off. Rather than whisk myself away on a costly, potentially stressful adventure, I’m staying home and taking the time to do all the simple things around New York City that bring me joy. I dislike the term “stay-cation,” but that is indeed what I am giving myself this month.
I took a similar break last year and I found it really helped me recalibrate my creativity and replenish my energy. These days, everyone talks about the importance of rest and self-care, but when I was growing up and even into my years as a young adult that wasn’t the cultural mindset. I think there is a certain work-hard, play-hard mentality that has been ingrained into a lot of us who grew up before the concept of self-care came into fashion. And so even when I am actively taking time off I find I still have to consciously choose to relax over the oddly strong compulsion to be productive. Deep in the tissues of my brain I long ago must have associated productivity with goodness and trying to break those synaptic impulses is much harder than expected.
My repeated behavior throughout my life has been to work myself until I am on the verge of completely breaking, total exhaustion, or to the brink of creative burnout and then collapsing into a few days off which inevitably result in my getting a cold or something, so no fun is to be had. While I have gotten a little bit better at recognizing when I’m pushing myself too hard, and saying no to invites when I can feel I need to recharge, this life-long habit of not taking breaks is hard to break. But it’s a pattern that I desperately want and need to discontinue.
And so here I am, at the beginning of a nice long break! Hopefully I will go on a few NYC adventures worthy of sharing with you. I am making a list of ideas/wishes I’m thinking of trying to tackle. Any suggestions? I’d love to hear any you’ve got!
Reading is also going to be front and center during my time off. And, since I always enjoy hearing what’s on other’s TBR lists, I will share mine with you later this week.
I also have a ton of knitting works in progress that I am hoping to make a dent in. Specifically this pattern from We Are Knitters. It’s my first attempt to knit a summer top and of course, at the rate I am going summer will be long over by the time I finish it, but hey, it’s the process not the product right? Is anyone else out there a perpetually slow knitter?
But I am also planning to do plenty of nothing too, and I am going to attempt to retain a mindset that no matter what I do during this break, I won’t allow myself to consider any time “wasted.” The concept of wasting time is one that can only lead me to feel guilty and that is a useless emotion over something so ridiculous. I’m going to try to embrace the truth that I am sometimes a Summer Grinch and no preconceived ‘shoulds’ should dictate my activity levels. So nothing over the next two weeks can count as wasted - all of it matters and all of it is what I need right now… It’s going to be fun!
I can’t wait to be back with some fun updates later this week! Until then, I leave you with a playlist I made to accompany my time off. Enjoy!
